By Viji Sundaram. Ethnic Media Services.
Blanca suffered decades of psychological abuse from her husband, whose behaviors fall under the category of abuse that sociologists and family law experts call coercive control.
After two decades of marriage, Blanca finally reached a breaking point. Watching her husband tear apart the wedding dress she had so carefully sewn, and then preserved over time, caused something to change inside her.
The emotional abuse had continued for years, Blanca said. She said he constantly denigrated her appearance and her Hispanic accent when speaking English, refused to include her and their two children on the health insurance he had from his job as a mechanic, and made her pay all the rent on the Bay Area home they shared with his relatives.
Sociology and family law experts call this type of behavior coercive control, in which people – usually men – non-violently manipulate their intimate partners to do their bidding. It can also lead to physical violence, as research shows.
Coercive control, as well as abuse in general, is underreported. It often hides in plain sight.
“I started to feel ugly and worthless,” Blanca said. “I started to get depressed.”
She spoke to us on condition that we not reveal her last name and that she not contact her husband for comment, for the safety of her family. Since 2017, Blanca has worked as a domestic worker for several people, including this journalist.
Blanca said she was aware that leaving an abuser was the most dangerous time for a woman. But after decades of damage to her self-esteem, she has finally cut ties.
And under a California law passed in 2020, the government is finally offering some acknowledgement of the harm he suffered.
Recognizing the harm that coercive control can cause
Coercive control encompasses a wide range of behaviors that cause emotional distress, according to social scientists. Common practices include isolating someone from friends and relatives; depriving the person of basic needs; or controlling communications, daily behavior and economic resources.
At its core, "coercive control is an imbalance of power achieved through cruel, powerful, and manipulative means," said Chitra Raghavan, a forensic psychologist at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York.
There are no federal laws addressing coercive control in this country. But a handful of states have recently taken action to criminalize it.
In 2020, the California Legislature amended the state's Family Code to include coercive control as evidence of domestic violence, which expanded the definition contained in the Domestic Violence Prevention Act. The statute defines coercive control as “a pattern of behavior which by purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with the free will and personal liberty of a person.”
California made its decisions a month after Hawaii added coercive control to its definition. Connecticut passed a similar law in June, and bills are pending in New York, South Carolina and Maryland.
"The fact that so many jurisdictions want to codify coercive control into law means that it is recognized as a harm for which there must be a legal remedy," said Julie Saffren, who teaches a course on domestic violence at Santa Clara University School of Law as an adjunct professor.
A person subject to a restraining order is prohibited from possessing or purchasing firearms while the order is in effect. A person subject to a restraining order is prohibited from possessing or purchasing firearms while the order is in effect.
“The law can also be used when a victim seeks custody of a child and the court decides in the best interest of the child,” said Pallavi Dhawan, director of domestic violence policy and prevention for the Los Angeles City Attorney’s Office, the bill’s sponsor.
State Senator Susan Rubio introduced the coercive control legislation as a survivor of domestic abuse herself.
“I have endured domestic abuse myself and I know what survivors go through,” she said, adding: “It’s about time that domestic violence is recognized as more than just physical abuse. This bill protects survivors of domestic violence by making their cases harder to dismiss and easier to prosecute.”
Dhawan, who worked closely with Rubio in drafting the legislation, said the bill initially faced resistance from those who wanted to make coercive control a crime.
Rubio said he decided not to make it a crime because the issue was "foreign to some of my colleagues and making it a criminal offense would have bogged down the bill."
Women's advocates also point out that a criminal response is not the most effective way to obtain justice for survivors who simply want the abuse to end.
“The criminal response creates barriers to reporting,” said Shiwali Patel, who advocates for cultural and policy change for women and girls at the National Women’s Law Center near Washington, D.C. “If it’s a civil matter, the survivor will have more control over the process.”
«I always felt tied down»
Blanca, 50, said her husband, a Mexican-American citizen, initially seemed nice and attentive.
But within a few months of her marriage, her husband began to belittle her. The insults became more personal after she confronted him about an affair he was having. “Your hands are rough and not very soft,” he would tell her. “You have chicken legs.” “You have a masculine build and stretch marks on your stomach.”
Yet it was her way of acting that made the relationship coercive. Blanca had no control over her finances, even though she earned as much cleaning houses as her husband, who worked as a mechanic.
He insisted that she pay all the rent on a four-bedroom home they shared with their children, his mother and brother in Contra Costa County. He told her to pay for utilities, groceries and other household expenses.
"I always felt tied down," Blanca said, crossing her wrists in front of her as a few tears escaped.
It was particularly humiliating, Blanca said, when her husband had his new girlfriend call her to tell her she had only herself to blame, a tactic many abusers use to maintain power and control.
“In terms of mental health, I think it’s a form of projection where it’s unbearable for the abuser to acknowledge their behavior because deep down they know it’s wrong, so they project outward to hold their partner accountable,” Saffren said.
Last fall, Blanca filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Court documents show her husband has also filed for divorce, citing the same reason.
When asked why she hadn't left her husband earlier, Blanca said she couldn't imagine a life without him.
“I was always forgiving him for his behavior,” she said, frowning. After a pause, she continued. “Now that I’m filing for divorce, I wonder why.”
This article is part of a series on California’s coercive control law produced by San Francisco Public Press, a nonprofit investigative news organization. Read the full article and others in the series at sfpublicpress.org/series/coercive-control. This report was funded by a grant from the Domestic Violence Impact Reporting Fund at the Annenberg Center for Health Journalism at the University of Southern California. It was excerpted, edited and translated by Ethnic Media Services.
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