[embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBkMtuUBCrk[/embedyt]
By Pamela Cruz with information from Manuel Ortiz.
Santiago Zapién is 10 years old, and at a young age he has experienced bullying firsthand, which has led him to not want to go to school and his mother to speak out in the Redwood City School District. However, in the midst of all the pain, Casa Círculo Cultural became a space of love, security and respect, showing that there are organizations that fight against hate, discrimination and stigma.
Melissa Maldonado, mother of little Santiago, acknowledged that her son is a very active, affectionate, honest child who loves to help others, in addition to being a person who really likes acting, dancing, and art in general.
Since January of this year, Santiago has been a victim of bullying at school. It all started when they started calling him “gay,” even though he does not identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community and, on several occasions, he referred to it and asked not to be called that; they never stopped, the situation ended up affecting his mood.
“They called him gay at school, they told him, even though he wasn't gay, they kept calling him gay and it still happens and it has affected him a lot. Santi is a very sweet boy and he loves to play with his friends at school and it seems that the school environment is not prepared for that,” Melissa Maldonado told Manuel Ortiz.
“Santi,” as his mother calls him, felt ashamed, and although he didn’t cry at school, he came home devastated and cried before going to sleep. All of this, except in one place, Casa Círculo Cultural, a nonprofit organization that for 15 years has served the cultural, creative, developmental and linguistic needs of disadvantaged and immigrant children and adults in the Bay Area.
“He felt very embarrassed and he doesn't cry at school, but he comes home crying and that has affected him at night, before going to sleep, that's when he says: 'Mommy, I'm so embarrassed, I'm not gay, but I like to dance to Taylor Swift's music,' and it's something that, perhaps, the children are not used to and it's something that I've had to talk to him about,” Melissa narrated.
This affected Santi's self-confidence and dancing is not like before, because if before "he could dance on stage as if nothing had happened, now he feels a little embarrassed. We are working on that now, but it has affected him in many ways, one of the ones I have noticed the most is that he cries out of embarrassment."
“Before going to sleep, he usually starts talking to me and says, 'Mommy, why do you tell me I'm gay, and even though I tell you not to call me gay and I look you in the eye, you don't stop. It seems like you don't respect me,' so it has affected him,” she explained.
Circumstances led Melissa to take the situation into her own hands; she went to speak to the school directors and even the superintendent, because despite Santi saying what they were doing to him, there was no change.
At first, Santi's mother said, the girls who were bothering him were asked to stop and apologize. "I thought that something would be fixed with this, the principal is trying to fix something, it's okay, we have to leave him and give him time to solve what is happening at that school." Things did not change, and the bullying even turned into blows.
Melissa contacted other mothers of children from the Adelante Selby school, and realized that Santiago was not the only one facing bullying, as other children were attacked for their weight, build, physique, gender, sexual preference, and even the clothes they wear.
“I realized that there were other kids who were affected not only by being called gay, fat, ugly, or being bullied about the clothes they wore, and that's when I thought something was going on,” Melissa said.
Added to this was the harassment from teachers, who asked Santiago if he wasn't doing something to be attacked. This led Melissa to take things to the next level: she gathered all the information and evidence, put it in order and presented it to the Redwood City School District.
“It had happened before that he had been beaten and he was scared of the child, but the child is no longer in school, they moved him, so it was okay. So, this time, something else was going on. What I did was I kept him at home for like two or three days because I had to go back to work and that’s when I noticed that he didn’t even want to go to class with his favorite teacher anymore. He’s in fourth grade and he didn’t want to go anymore; it was because the teachers were accusing him that maybe it was his fault why they called him gay, and that’s when I said: no, this is not okay and I took it further.”
Melissa sent a letter to Dr. John Baker, superintendent of the Redwood City School District, explaining in detail what happened.
“He also knew that it was something serious. It was like the child doesn’t trust his teachers, the principal, or the school therapist, because they are blaming him. For me, as a mother, I realized that it is not right for a child to go through this, and I couldn’t believe it because Adelante is one of the safest schools, I had never had a problem. I have a 15-year-old girl who went to that same school and had never had a discipline problem with the boys, but it seems that there are already six different boys who call her gay in the same school.”
After this contact, things changed. Today, the teachers support Santiago and listen to him, and take action to stop bullying at school. But why go to that level to make things work properly?
Finding peace in safe spaces
Melissa wondered why her son didn't want to go to school, but did want to go to his classes at Casa Círculo Cultural.
“Here, at Casa Círculo, he feels confident, he feels that he is loved, that they look out for him; he feels like a very happy child here and at school he feels a little intimidated.”
She explained that when Santiago knows he will have classes at Casa Círculo Cultural, he gets up earlier and gets everything ready to attend.
“He has only been here at Casa Círculo Cultural for a year and six months as a participant and, for him, it is like a family, it is a community where he has found his comfort zone and he feels that he can express himself and no one is going to judge him. I see the difference, that he wakes up with all the confidence in the world, all happiness. He comes here and participates, he is a very sweet child and gets along with everyone. Here no one bullies him, that is the big difference with school,” she said.
Prevention is action
While no one expects or wants their children to suffer bullying, prevention is necessary. One way to take action after statistics show that 1 in 5 students in the United States suffers from bullying.
Part of this prevention, Melissa said, is talking to children, taking the time to listen to them and staying calm about what they have to say, in order to foster trust and motivate them to continue telling what is happening to them. In addition, seeking help and support.
“The difference here at Casa Círculo Cultural is that, as soon as I arrived here, to this place, as a mother I feel supported, because there are always talks, there is someone you can go to: with the director, with one of the teachers, you talk to them and they take into account what you are saying, they listen to you and try to solve it, I think that is a big difference.”
“Many times, we, as Latino parents, don’t speak up and we stay quiet and that’s what the system wants. If I hadn’t gone to the School District, I gave the principal the opportunity to do things right without telling him to do them. Obviously, we have to present ourselves in a calm manner so that they pay attention to us. I went to the School District and then they saw that they had to make changes, but the District is not ready for that type of environment for our children and we are the ones who have to speak for them, and if we don’t speak up when they want to intimidate us, that’s when we stay quiet and nothing happens and our children grow up with those insecurities. So don’t fight or argue, just communicate with our children to find out what’s going on in the schools and many times they don’t let us know, but communication has helped me with my son.”
This resource is supported in whole or in part by funding provided by the State of California, administered by the California State Library in partnership with the California Department of Social Services and the California Commission on Asian and Pacific Islander American Affairs as part of the Stop the Hate program To report a hate incident or hate crime and get support, go to AC vs Hate.
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