“Nothing is dirty as long as it is clean,” a therapist I used to see several years ago once told me. Those words were the result of asking him about having sex during my period and anal sex, since it is precisely on those days that my libido is high and I wondered how to bring up the subject with my partner.
After a long and drawn-out discussion, I decided to talk to the person I was dating at the time about the possibility of having sex during those days. It should be noted that he was never against it, in fact, he had already brought it up before, but it was my perception that had stopped us from having sexual encounters during that period.
Cleanliness, if not bothered by the blood that might be exposed and the smells, were thoughts that ran through my head all the time, causing me anxiety.
However, I also thought about how much I wanted to be with my partner and enjoy those bursts of libido caused by the hormones that emanate during those days.
For Claudia, a friend of many years, it is unthinkable to have sexual encounters during her period, as she considers the moment “disgusting.” Not so for Ana, who without shame confessed to me that she did it whenever she wanted and if it was on those days, she even enjoyed it more, as it helped her control the cramps, reduced her blood pressure and even got rid of her headaches.
There's a scientific reason for that last bit, as studies have shown that orgasms can relieve menstrual cramps, which are caused by your uterus contracting to release its lining. When you have an orgasm, the muscles in your uterus also contract and then relax, and it's that relaxation that can relieve period pain.
In addition, sexual relations also activate the release of chemicals called endorphins, which are responsible for making you feel good and happy.
On top of that, engaging in sexual activities occupies your mind, which can help distract you from your menstrual discomfort and relieve stress.
On the other hand, having sex can make your periods shorter, as the muscle contractions during an orgasm expel the uterine contents more quickly, which could speed up the process.
Approximately Half of women suffer from migraines during their periods, and although most of those who suffer from the condition avoid sexual relations when they have a headache, many of those who do have them say they feel partial or total relief.
Nancy, 25, told me that she was afraid it would be painful, and while every body is different, it is important to know that blood works as a natural lubricant, thus reducing the need to use extra gels to combat the discomfort caused by vaginal dryness.
Thus, bleeding will allow vaginal penetration to be smoother, and there may be a much greater feeling of pleasure.
What do they say?
Emmanuel, a 40-year-old sports journalist, has no problem with the issue of blood, but he does not ignore it because of the smell.
«Actually, I don't like it very much. It doesn't affect the blood, the problem with me is the smell. If something smells bad, the passion goes away. It all happened in the kitchen, we were cooking and suddenly it happened. It was just not comfortable for her.»
Do you mind? I asked. “Not really, just the smell part, but it can be tolerated. You have to be empathetic with the natural processes of the couple. Understand what they like, when and how. It is an issue that concerns both if there is a relationship,” she stressed.
For Josué, a 41-year-old public relations agency director, although it is not a pleasure as such, he has practiced it and it has not bothered him in any way.
«Personally, it doesn't affect me. It's more about the girl, making her feel comfortable, using lubricant and a condom. I remember a couple of very different occasions. On one of them, there was no problem at all. I think it was because my partner at the time was open to having sex during her period. In fact, it was more a matter of concern to cover things up and not make a mess than about the act itself.»
"In another, the girl wanted to experiment, but she realized that it was not comfortable for her, apparently more due to an issue she said about "hygiene" than anything else, obviously neither she nor I were comfortable and it was not the best experience," he said.
Do you mind? I asked, “No, some factors change, but it’s not something that bothers me, the issue has been more about how the girl I’m with feels, if she’s comfortable doing it.”
Having sex during your period is one of the many taboos that exist. Personally, I see it as something that the couple should reach a consensus on, although the one who has the last word is the woman, she is the one who goes through a period and knows what discomfort she experiences, although, sometimes, intercourse can reduce cramps.
In the case of Israel - a 30-year-old premium motorcycle salesman - not having sex during those days is more a decision made by the woman.
«From my perspective, I think it's more a women's issue than a us issue. I can even tell you that I like it because the hormonal issue is more intense and everything becomes more passionate. Obviously, it's important to have a bathroom nearby to take a shower afterwards, but personally, I prefer it and I like it. It doesn't disgust me, far from it. It even serves as a lubricant.»
«I hope they stop thinking that it makes us uncomfortable, a talk beforehand and that's it. We put towels down or see what we do, but we don't limit ourselves. We have to enjoy sexuality fully and without reservations.»
Hans, a 29-year-old sociologist, is not a fan of having sex with his partner during their period, especially because of the sensation on the skin and for "logistical" reasons.
«Personally, I don't like having sex when my partner is menstruating. It's not disgusting, it's just a logistical problem. It's happened to me several times that with penetration and movement, the flow of blood ends up staining the bed and the mattress. I feel that the constant thought of staining the bed doesn't let me enjoy the act.»
«On the other hand, I'm not a fan of the feeling of blood at the base of the penis when it starts to dry along with the pubic hairs, it's something very peculiar and I don't like it. It doesn't disgust me particularly, but I don't like the feeling of being covered in Chantilly, cream, honey or blood.»
Help yourself and I will help you
Below are some tips that can help make your journey on the path of period sex easier, from Healthline, a health information website based in San Francisco, California.
- Be open and honest with your partner. Tell them how you feel about having sex during your period and ask them how they feel. If either of you have concerns, discuss the reasons for the discomfort.
- If you are wearing a tampon, remove it before starting stimulation.
- Place a dark-colored towel on the bed to absorb any blood stains, or have sex in the shower or bath for easy cleanup.
- Keep a damp cloth or wet wipes near the bed to clean up afterward.
- Ask your partner to use a condom. This will protect you from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
- If your usual sexual position isn't comfortable, try something different until you find the one you feel most comfortable with. Missionary or spooning can work well.
- Remember that no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. If you don't like having sex during your menstrual period, talk to your partner and come to an agreement.
Reasonable doubts
Is it possible to get pregnant by having sex during your period?
If you're not thinking about conceiving, using protection is a good idea no matter where you are in your menstrual cycle. Your chances of conceiving are lower during your period, but it's still possible to get pregnant then.
Remember that there is a high chance of getting pregnant during ovulation, which happens about 14 days before your period starts. Although each woman's cycle length is different and can change each month, if you have a short menstrual cycle, your risk of getting pregnant during your period is higher, according to the American Pregnancy Association.
In addition, it should be considered that sperm can remain alive in your uterus for up to five days, according to Dr. Patricio C. Gargollo, from the Mayo Clinic.
Is it necessary to use protection during your menstrual period?
Using protection will not only help prevent an unwanted pregnancy, it will also protect you against sexually transmitted diseases, which you can not only contract, but you can also transmit them more easily to your partner because viruses such as HIV live in menstrual blood.
Ask your partner to use a latex condom every time you have sex to reduce these chances, and if you or your partner are allergic to latex, there are other forms of protection you can use. You can ask your doctor or health care workers for recommendations.
Pamela Cruz. Editor-in-Chief of Peninsula 360 Press. A communications expert by profession, but a journalist and writer by conviction, with more than 10 years of experience in the media. Specialized in medical and scientific journalism by Harvard and winner of the International Visitors Leadership Program scholarship from the U.S. government.
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