"Nothing is dirty as long as it's clean," a therapist I used to go to several years ago once told me. Those words came from asking him about having sex during my menstrual period and anal sex, because it's right around those days when my libido goes through the roof and I wondered how to broach the subject with my partner.
After a long and lengthy discussion, I decided to talk to the person I was dating at the time about the possibility of having sex during those days. It should be noted that he was never against it, in fact, he had brought it up before, but it was my perception that had stopped us from having sexual encounters during that time.
The cleanliness, if he was not uncomfortable with the blood that might be exposed and in the smells, were thoughts that ran through my head all the time, causing me anxiety.
However, I was also thinking about the desire I had to be with my partner and enjoy those bursts of lividity caused by the hormones that emanate those days.
For Claudia, a friend of many years, it is unthinkable to have sexual encounters during her period, because she considers the moment "disgusting"; not so for Ana, who without shame confessed to me that she did it whenever she wanted and if she played during those days, she even enjoyed it more, because it helped her to control the cramps, reduced her tension and even removed her headache.
That last one has a scientific reason, because according to studies, orgasms can relieve menstrual cramps which are caused by the contraction of your uterus to release its lining. When you have an orgasm, the muscles of your uterus also contract and then relax, and it is that relaxation that can relieve period pains.
In addition, sexual intercourse also triggers the release of chemicals called endorphins, which are responsible for making you feel good and happy.
On top of that, engaging in sexual activities occupies your mind, which can help distract you from your menstrual discomfort, in addition to letting go of stress.
On the other hand, having sex can make your periods shorter, as the muscle contractions during an orgasm expel the uterine contents faster which could speed up the process.
Approximately half of women suffer from migraine during their periodsAlthough most sufferers avoid sexual intercourse when they have a headache, many of those who do have headaches report partial or complete relief.
Nancy, 25, told me she was afraid it would be painful, and while every body is different, it is necessary to know that blood works as a natural lubricant, reducing the need for extra gels to combat the discomfort caused by vaginal dryness.
Thus, the bleeding will allow the vaginal penetration to be smoother, and there can be much greater sensation of pleasure.
What do they say?
Emmanuel - a 40-year-old sports journalist - has no problem with the blood issue, but he doesn't overlook it because of the smell.
"Actually, I don't like it very much. It doesn't affect the blood, the problem with me is the smell. If something smells bad, the passion is gone. It all happened in the kitchen, we were cooking and suddenly it happened. It just wasn't entirely comfortable for her."
Do you mind," I asked, "not really, just the smell part, but it can be coped with. You have to be empathetic to your partner's natural processes. Understand what they like, when and how. It is a matter for both if there is a relationship," she stressed.
For Josué - director of a public relations agency, 41 years old - although it is not a taste as such, he has practiced it and it has not caused him any discomfort.
"Personally it doesn't affect me, it's more on the girl's side, that she feels comfortable, use of lubricant and condom. I remember a couple of very different occasions, in one of them there was no problem at all, I think because, my partner at that time, was open to having sex during her period, in fact, it was more the concern of covering things well and not staining than for the act itself."
In another, the girl wanted to experiment, but she realized that it was not comfortable for her, apparently more for a "hygiene" issue than anything else, obviously neither she nor I were comfortable and it was not the best experience," he said.
Do you mind, I asked, "No, some factors change, but it's not something that bothers me, the issue has been more on how the girl I'm with feels, if she's comfortable doing it."
Having sex during the period is one of the many taboos that exist, personally I see it as something that the couple should reach a consensus, although who gets to have the last word is the woman, she is the one who goes through a period and knows what discomfort she experiences, although, sometimes intercourse can reduce cramps".
In the case of Israel - a 30-year-old premium motorcycle salesman - not having sex during those days is more the woman's decision.
"From my perspective I think it's more of a women's issue than ours. I can even tell you that I like it because the hormonal issue is more intense and everything becomes more passionate. Obviously it's important to have a restroom nearby to take a bath afterwards, but personally I prefer it and I like it. It doesn't disgust me, far from it. It even serves as a lubricant.
"I hope they stop thinking that it makes us uncomfortable, a talk before and that's it. We put towels or see what we do, but let's not limit ourselves. We have to enjoy sexuality fully and openly.
Hans - a sociologist, 29 years old - is not a fan of having sex with his partner during the menstrual period, mainly because of the sensation on the skin and because of "logistical" issues.
"Personally I don't like to have sex when my partner is menstruating, it's not disgust, it's simply a logistical problem. Several times it has happened to me that with penetration and movement the blood flow ends up staining the bed and mattress. I feel that the constant idea of staining the bed does not let me enjoy the act.
"On the other hand, I'm also not a fan of the sensation of blood at the base of the penis when it starts to dry along with the pubic hairs, it's something very particular and I don't like it. It doesn't particularly disgust me, but I don't like the feeling of being smeared, not whipped, not creamy, not honey, not blood."
Help yourself and I will help you
Below, you will find some recommendations that can help make your journey down the road of sex during your menstrual period easier, issued by the Healthline, a health information provider website based in San Francisco, California.
- Be open and honest with your partner. Tell him how you feel about having sex during your period and ask him how he feels. If either of you are hesitant, discuss the reasons for the discomfort.
- If you are wearing a tampon, remove it before starting stimulation.
- Place a dark-colored towel on the bed to absorb any blood stains, or have sex in the shower or bathroom for easy cleaning.
- Keep a damp cloth or wet wipes near the bed to clean up afterwards.
- Ask your partner to use a condom. This will protect you from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
- If your usual sexual position is not comfortable, try something different until you find the one you feel most comfortable with, such as missionary or "spooning" can work well.
- Remember that no one can force you to do something you don't want to do, if you don't like having sex during your menstrual period, discuss it with your partner and come to an agreement.
Reasonable doubts
Is it possible to get pregnant by having sex during menstruation?
If you are not thinking about conceiving, using protection is a good idea, no matter where you are in your menstrual cycle. Your chances of conceiving are lower during your period, but it is still possible to get pregnant at that time.
Remember that there is a good chance of getting pregnant during ovulation, which occurs about 14 days before your period starts. Although every woman's cycle length is different and can change each month. If you have a short menstrual cycle, your risk of getting pregnant during your period is higher, according to the American Pregnancy Association.
In addition, it should be considered that sperm can remain alive in your uterus for up to five days, according to Dr. Patricio C. Gargollo, of the Mayo Clinic.
Is it necessary to use protection during your menstrual period?
Using protection will not only help you avoid an unwanted pregnancy, it will also protect you against sexually transmitted diseases, which you can not only contract, but also transmit more easily to your partner because viruses such as HIV and AIDS can be transmitted to your partner. HIV live in menstrual blood.
Ask your partner to use a latex condom every time you have sex to reduce the chances of latex, and if you or your partner is allergic to latex, there are other forms of protection you can use. You can ask your doctor or health care workers for recommendations.
Pamela Cruz. Editor-in-Chief of Peninsula 360 Press. A communicologist by profession, but a journalist and writer by conviction, with more than 10 years of media experience. Specialized in medical and scientific journalism at Harvard and winner of the International Visitors Leadership Program scholarship from the U.S. government.
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