By Estela Calapiz. Peninsula 360 Press [P360P]
The word eroticism originates from Greek erosrefers to the god Eros, the god of sensuality, desire and sexual pleasure. It is associated with behaviors of attraction between two or more beings. Eroticism involves the whole person: physically - the five senses - and psychologically, in which he expresses to himself and others, his desires, fantasies and innermost feelings. Language that is composed of sensations and warm stimuli that shake the epidermis, in which love (not always) and desire are involved, the exchange of looks, words, gestures and signs that indicate to the other that one is willing, to reach sexual intercourse.
Any behavior that represents a source of sexual pleasure for the person can be considered an erotic sensation, which can be provoked with one's own body, the partner's body or external objects such as toys, feathers, liquids, creams, etc. to enhance the experience.
According to sexologists, there is no such thing as normal or abnormal practice when it comes to eroticism and sexuality. The response to an erotic stimulus depends on people's desires and fantasies; something that is pleasurable for some may even be painful and abominable for others. Therefore, I think it is the responsibility of each one of us to define what is or is not erotic and pleasurable, to communicate it and to be honest at the time of such practices in order to maintain our physical and psychological integrity.
Eroticism is a way of rediscovering ourselves through pleasure.
Erotic practices bring us closer to ourselves and to each other in a unique way since it is in intimacy where those personality traits that are usually kept hidden or private come to the surface.
It is essential to know our limits and respect those of our partner so that the practice of eroticism is pleasurable, lasting and constant. Good communication both with oneself and with one's partner is key for us to be able to exploit the erotic potential that characterizes us.
Developing an erotic identity is vital to an individual's psychological well-being.
What do sexual fantasies feed on, and how do they evolve?
An erotic or sexual fantasy is a mental representation centered on eroticism or sex. Fantasies can be the sublimation of desires that one wants to have in reality. Sexual fantasies are characteristic of any gender.
Women begin to fantasize in childhood, with more romantic or sensual ideas, evolving with the passage of time to more sexual ideas.[1].
The development of fantasies seems to be closely related to sexual development, and in turn, with the experiences that are lived, the culture and the information that is given, the most important thing is to give yourself permission to fantasize, free of guilt, censorship, shame or fear. There is no bad sexual fantasy as long as it works. If the fantasy is able to activate you, to suggest you, to make you feel pleasure, that fantasy works.
However, on certain occasions, fantasies can be dangerous or can hinder a person's intimacy, Wendy Maltz, calls them trap fantasies..
These negative fantasies occur when they are in contradiction with the person's reality or when the fantasy causes the person who is living it to lose a sense of control, they arise from unresolved traumas or negative behaviors.
Some favorite sexual fantasies:
1. Threesomes, that is, sex with three people at the same time, or even orgies, which involve sex in larger groups, are traditionally the favorite fantasies. Within threesomes, they usually prefer one man with two women, although there is also the option of two men with one woman or even three men or several genders.
2. Remote pleasure. It means watching your partner masturbate.
3. Voyeurism was once conceived as a paraphilia. It is now considered that not all voyeuristic behavior is paraphilic, not all paraphilias can be considered pathological in themselves. Everything will depend on the degree of interference in the sexual and non-sexual life of the person, and the subsequent discomfort or deterioration of the latter. The craving to observe other people in sexual contexts is very frequent, and cannot be considered abnormal in itself. These behaviors may begin in adolescence or early adulthood. However, if during the course of this it becomes pathological, the person ends up spending considerable time looking for opportunities to look at others; obstructing the rest of daily responsibilities or activities. (If you want to know more about this topic search for sexual paraphilias as it is not the subject of this article).
Anal sex.
4. Role playing. Dressing up, adopting a role or playing at being strangers are some of the many possibilities offered by role playing.
5. Bondage. Tied hands and feet.
6. Dress as a man or woman, wear a mask. Cover eyes.
Therefore, we should know that:
1. Sexuality is activated by the mind. When we feel that powerful attraction towards someone we must act and let them know or show it in the most appropriate way according to our culture and the environment in which we live, for example make an appointment in a suitable place for the occasion and at the right time; express our feelings to have a mutual agreement to reach sexual intimacy, never force the situation! If we are not reciprocated -already in our intimacy- we can use the potential that gives us the ability to fantasize using some toys (there are many on the market). In this regard you should know that these will never replace the contact with the partner to have an orgasm .
2. Desiring and feeling desired improves self-esteem and personal attractiveness. In the case of fantasizing as a couple, create mutually agreed upon sexy games and avoid negative criticism of the partner or oneself, also avoid false puritanical attitudes or comparisons with former partners (whether they only think so). Leave any comments until the encounter has passed. These can be careful comments of how we would have liked it if...or what things I didn't like and what we can change. . Talking about rehearsing possible future practices will help us to overcome some limitations of the present and to improve in the future.
3. Remember that fantasies are personal creations and as such, can be modified as desired, adapting them to personal tastes and needs. The more they are practiced, the easier the sexual response and pleasure will be.
4. Sexual fantasies can become pathological when they begin to be realized and affect the individual's life or are his or her only way of relating and wanting to reach orgasm.
In conclusion, I invite you to open yourselves to love.
Beyond eroticism and if we truly love our partner we must know that:
The most intimate encounter between two people is not the sexual one, it is the emotional undressing. An exchange that occurs when fear is overcome and we get to know each other as we are in each of our aspects.
It is not easy to achieve. In fact, an "emotional nude" is not something that is achieved lightly or with just anyone. It takes time, strength and a willingness to listen, feel and embrace emotions. To get to know oneself and the other.
Emotional nudity begins with oneself. It is very important for people to identify with what we feel and realize how we feel, whether we are comfortable or uncomfortable, what we think and how we can use our emotions in the service of our thoughts.
If we want to have more meaningful relationships, it is important that we stop to look at the past and heal the emotional wounds of our childhood.
The ideal emotional scenarios for "emotional nudity" are those in which true listening, from the inside, from the heart, empathy and emotional intelligence prevail. Scenarios in which communication and understanding are enhanced with a great base of respect, patience and tolerance.
Only in this way will we be able to create an emotionally relaxed environment in which a true and genuine intimate encounter can take place, involving: the baring of fears, insecurities and emotional truth.
[1] Wendy Maltz, a sex therapist, in her book The intimate world of female sexual fantasies?
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