By Pamela Cruz with information from Manuel Ortiz.
Santiago Zapién is 10 years old, and at his young age he has experienced bullying firsthand, one that has led him not to want to go to school and his mother has had to raise her voice in the Redwood City School District. However, in the midst of all the pain, Casa Círculo Cultural became a space of love, security and respect, showing that there are organizations that fight against hate, discrimination and stigma.
Melissa Maldonado, mother of little Santiago, recognized that her son is a very active, loving, honest child who loves to help others, in addition to being a person who really likes acting, dancing, and art in general.
Since January of this year, Santiago has been a victim of bullying at school. It all started when they began to call him "gay", despite the fact that he does not identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community and that, on several occasions, he referred to it and asked that they not call him that; They never stopped, the situation ended up affecting their mood.
?They called him gay at school, they told him, even though he was not gay, they kept telling him and it still happens and that has affected him a lot. Santi is a very tender child and he loves to play with his friends at school and it seems that the school environment is not prepared for that? Melissa Maldonado told Manuel Ortiz.
"Santi," as his mother tells him, felt ashamed, and although he did not cry at school, he came home broken and the crying came before going to sleep. All of this, except in one place, Casa Círculo Cultural, a nonprofit organization that for 15 years has served the cultural, creative, developmental and linguistic needs of disadvantaged and immigrant children and adults in the Bay Area.
?He felt very embarrassed and at school he doesn't cry, but at home he comes crying and that has affected him at night, before going to sleep, that's when he says: ?Mommy, I'm very ashamed, I'm not gay, but I like to dance, Taylor Swift's music?, and it is something that, perhaps, the children are not used to and it is something that I have had to talk to him about?, Melissa said.
This affected Santi's self-confidence and dancing is no longer like before, because if before he could dance on the stage as if nothing had happened, now it makes him a little sad. Now we are working on it, but it has affected him in many ways, one of the things I have noticed the most is that he cries out of shame?
?Before going to sleep, more than anything, he starts talking and tells me: ?Mommy, why do you tell me that I'm gay and even though I tell them not to call me gay and I look them in the eyes they don't stop, it doesn't seem like they can't tell me. do they respect? So has it affected him? he explained.
Circumstances led Melissa to take the situation into her hands; He went to talk to the school directors and even the superintendent, because even though Santi said what they were doing to him, there were no changes.
At first, Santi's mother said, the girls who were bothering him were asked to stop doing it and apologize, "I thought something was going to be fixed with this, the director is trying to fix something, Okay, should we leave him and give him his time to solve what is happening at that school? Things did not change and the harassment even turned into beatings.
Melissa contacted other mothers of children at the Adelante Selby school, and realized that Santiago was not the only one who faced bullying, as other children were attacked because of their weight, complexion, physique, gender, sexual preference, and even their clothes. that they use.
"I realized that there are other children who were affected not only by being called gay, fat, ugly, or being bullied about the clothes they wore, and I thought something was happening," Melissa said.
Added to this was the harassment by teachers, who asked Santiago if he was not doing something that would cause them to attack him. This led Melissa to take things to the next level: she gathered all the information and evidence, put it in order, and presented it to the Redwood City School District.
?It had happened before that he had been beaten and he was afraid of the child, but the child is no longer in school, they changed him, so he was fine. So, this time, something else was going on. What I did was leave him at home for two or three days because I had to go back to work and then I noticed that he no longer even wanted to go to class with his favorite teacher. He is in fourth grade and didn't want to go anymore; It was because the teachers were accusing him that maybe it was his fault why they had called him gay, and that's when I said: no, this is not right and I took it further.
Melissa sent a letter to Dr. John Baker, superintendent of the Redwood City School District, explaining in detail what happened.
?He also already knew it was something serious. It was like the child doesn't trust his teachers, the principal, or the school therapist, because they are blaming him. For me, as a mother, I realized that it is not okay for a child to go through this, and I couldn't believe it because Adelante is one of the safest schools, I had never had a problem. I have a 15-year-old girl who went to that same school and had never had a discipline problem with children, but it seems that there are already six different children who are called gay in the same school?
After this contact, things changed. Currently the teachers support Santiago and listen to them, in addition to taking action so that there is no more bullying at school. But why go to that level to make things work properly?
Finding peace in safe spaces
Melissa wondered why her son didn't want to go to school, but did want to go to his classes at Casa Círculo Cultural.
?Here, at Casa Círculo, he feels confident, he feels that they love him very much, they look for him; He feels like a very happy child here and at school he feels a little intimidated?
He explained that when Santiago knows that he will have classes at Casa Círculo Cultural, he gets up earlier and gets everything ready to attend.
?He has barely been here at Casa Círculo Cultural for a year and 6 months as a participant and, for him, it is like a family, it is a community where he found his comfort zone and he feels that he can express himself and no one is going to judge him. I see the difference, that he gets up with all the confidence in the world, all happiness. He comes here and participates, he is a very sweet boy and gets along well with everyone. Nobody bullies him here, that's the big difference with school? he pointed out.
Prevention is action
While no one expects or wants their children to suffer bullying, prevention is necessary. A way to take action after statistics indicate that 1 in 5 students in the United States suffer from bullying.
Part of this prevention, Melissa said, is talking to your children, taking the time to listen to them and staying calm about what they have to say, this to foster confidence and so that they can feel motivated to continue telling what happens to them. Also, seek help and support.
?The difference here at Casa Círculo Cultural is that, as soon as I arrived here, at this place, as a mother I feel supported, because there are always talks, there is someone with whom you can go: with the director, with one of the teachers or the teachers, you talk to them and they take into account what you are saying, they listen to you and try to solve it, I think that is a big difference?
?Many times, we, as Latino parents, do not speak up and stay silent and that is what the system wants. If I hadn't gone to the School District. I gave the director the opportunity to do things right without telling him what to do, obviously we have to present ourselves in a calm way so that they pay attention to us. I went to the School District and then they saw that they had to make changes, but in itself, the District is not ready for that type of environment for our children and we are the ones who have to speak for them, and if we do not speak at the moment When they want to intimidate us, it is when we stay silent and nothing happens anymore and our children grow up with those insecurities. So don't fight or argue, it's just communicating with our children to know what is happening in the schools and many times they don't let us know, but has communication helped me with my son?
This resource is supported in whole or in part by funding provided by the State of California, administered by the California State Library in partnership with the California Department of Social Services and the California Commission on Asian and Pacific Islander American Affairs as part of the Stop the Hate program To report a hate incident or hate crime and get support, go to AC vs Hate.
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