"The orgasm is the great eater of words. It only allows the moan, the howl, the subhuman expression, but not the word," said French sexologist and researcher Valérie Tasso.
Just like my first kiss or the first time I saw the sea, I remember perfectly when and with whom was the first sexual orgasm in my life, the one that made me roll my eyes and caused my body to writhe as if possessed by some demon of pleasure.
Undoubtedly, there was a before and after in my sexual life thanks to that orgasm, or as some call it: "little death". I knew that everything would change from that moment on and I was looking forward to the next encounter with that boyfriend who practiced sexual tantra and yoga. He taught me to breathe, to let go and let pleasure run through every fiber of my body, without stopping it.
After several sessions, I realized that I could have not only one, but several orgasms. I even realized that it was not necessary to have a penetration to reach one. Today, at 39 years old, I live and celebrate orgasm with pleasure, with a capital "O".
Last Monday, August 8th was celebrated the International Female Orgasm Day. What a wonderful date, it is a fact that definitely deserves a day, what do I say a day, a year of celebrations. Because it is with orgasm that a woman experiences absolute pleasure in its entirety, where she merges with everything: the universe is small in her eyes at that moment.
Hoping that everyone, everyone and everyone would celebrate this day in depth, I also wonder how many women fake an orgasm to please their partner, out of boredom or pressure; besides all those who have never felt any, or others who are denied pleasure for religious and dogmatic reasons.
According to the sexologist Beatriz LiteratIn the case of orgasm, almost 60 percent of women fake orgasm to "not disappoint their partner," while 24 percent have never had or have difficulty achieving orgasm.
She also points out that "female orgasm is often a challenge and a conflict. In addition to women who fake and those who do not reach climax, there is a high percentage who confess that the pre-orgasmic sensation is so unbearable that they decide to stop the love game".
The sexologist from the Halitus Medical Institute, in Buenos Aires, Argentina, explains that these figures speak "not of a woman's inability to find in herself the physiological reflection of her own sexual response, but are a consequence of maintaining the belief that self-exploration is inappropriate and that women have to discover their sexuality with their partner".
And, he points out, about 70 percent of women can reach orgasm alone, while 57 percent can reach orgasm in heterosexual intercourse.
But what is orgasm, anyway?
According to the renowned physician and sexologist Sandrine Atallahorgasm is a pleasurable result of sexual encounters.
Etymologically, the word orgasm comes from the Greek orgaô, which means "to bubble with sap and burning".
But physically, orgasm translates into 3 to 15 involuntary contractions in the external third of the vagina, accompanied by strong contractions starting from the lower part of the uterus - fundus - towards the cervix and contractions of the internal and external sphincters from the anus.
From a psychological point of view, Atallah adds, orgasm corresponds to the peak of sexual pleasure followed by a very pleasurable relaxation; however, whether vaginal, clitoral, clitoral-vulvar or utero-annexal? there is only one orgasm, and it emanates from the brain.
And although most of the time pleasure is a brain response to physical stimuli, laboratory studies have shown that "an orgasm is an orgasm" and that they are all the same, regardless of how they are achieved, with no correlation to mental health or emotional maturity.
And what do they say about orgasm?
"Yes, I remember two very well: one I had with a guy while he was giving me oral sex...uff. The other one I had while I was high on marijuana -they were the most intense- and no, I don't think it's a man's job. It's an inside job, for the first one I needed to concentrate, but the one where I was high just flowed and I enjoyed it, it lasted longer than normal and I think it happened because I was relaxed", said Gisela, 27 years old.
"In my opinion, orgasm is that little death you have and in which, at the same time, you are reborn. At least that's what happened to me, so intense and so subtle... It leaves you trembling and maybe wanting another or others. Orgasm is for both parties and it is difficult to obtain, but you get there somehow or other. In sexual matters the main thing is the preamble, without it your imagination does not fly. The communication of the person in question is very important, if there is no communication it is just pretending and he or she is the one who follows", Elena, 40 years old, told me.
When I was in high school, a "sexologist" came to give a talk at my school. The auditorium was full. I, by that time, had already had my first sexual relations with my partner at the time, a very respectful and loving guy. And the truth is that they were very satisfying sexual relations. Let's say that I already knew what an orgasm was. And my boyfriend made me come several times in one session. But this "sexologist" came to tell us, among other things, that women could have multiple orgasms was false, and that our orgasms lasted so long... that we had no idea and it wasn't physically possible," Anna Lee Mraz, 36, told me.
She remembers vividly that, coming out of that conference, she blocked. "Coming out of there, I blocked. I blocked CABRON and I couldn't have orgasms again for a long time. Then I went to another sexologist, mom of a friend of mine and she half tried to help me. But I don't think I opened up to her because... she was my neighbor, right? It was a very long process to get my orgasms back. In the end I made it, but I was impressed for a long time how powerful the words and convictions of people in positions of power are. So much so that they can modify your mind, to the point of convincing you of something you rationally don't believe in."
Demystifying orgasm
There are several myths surrounding orgasm that need to be debunked. Here are some of the most common ones:
Myth: People with vulvas should be able to reach orgasm only with penetration.
In reality, most people with vulvas do not reach orgasm with penetration alone. A 2015 study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. asked 1,55 women between the ages of 18 and 94 about their experiences with genital contact, sexual pleasure and orgasm. Only 18.4 percent of the participants reported that they could reach orgasm through intercourse alone.
Conversely, 3.6 percent of respondents stated that they needed clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Finally, 36 percent indicated that clitoral stimulation may not be necessary to reach orgasm, but it enhances orgasmic sensation.
Myth: Sexual partners should experience orgasm at the same time.
Despite what popular culture may lead us to believe, sexual partners often reach orgasm at different times. There is no reason to worry if you and your sexual partner do not reach orgasm at the same time. In fact, this situation can allow couples to take turns fully concentrating on each other's sexual pleasure, which can be more pleasurable for everyone involved.
Myth: Good sex always ends in orgasm.
Sex can be satisfying and pleasurable, even when it does not end in climax. Aspects of sex such as pleasurable foreplay, good communication, giving and receiving pleasure, and enhancing the connection with the partner all contribute to a satisfying sexual experience.
In addition, a good number of people experience anorgasmia or inability to reach orgasm. This does not mean that they cannot enjoy sex. Ironically, putting too much pressure to reach orgasm can create anxiety around a sexual experience and actually decrease the chances of having one.
So while orgasms can be part of great sex, it's a good idea to remember that sex can still be great without one.
Myth: Fantasizing to achieve orgasm is abnormal and perverse.
Whatever the imagined scenario, fantasy does not reveal perversity or infidelity, it is just another means, a springboard to facilitate "disconnection" and letting go. Thus, it allows to raise the level of mental arousal to reach the peak necessary for orgasm.
Fantasy is an enrichment of eroticism that allows to eroticize through the imaginary the last erogenous zone, which is the brain. Fantasy is a caress of the spirit, Atallah points out.
Numbers around the orgasm:
? Seventy percent of women need to fantasize to be aroused, while 40 percent need to fantasize to reach orgasm.
? About three-quarters of women reach orgasm through the clitoris and 20 percent enjoy it through "simple" penetration.
? While men perceive that 85 percent of the women with whom they had sex achieved orgasm, only 64 percent actually did.
? Women take 40 to 80 percent longer to reach orgasm than men.
? Nearly 60 percent of women usually reaches orgasm during masturbation, while only 29 percent do so during sexual intercourse with another person. Another study states that, during masturbation, the likelihood of reaching orgasm can be as high as 95 percent.
? The women receiving oral sex are more likely to reach orgasm.
? 20 percent of women are able to reach orgasm only by kissing or having oral sex with their partner, and a lucky 10 percent achieve it. exercising.
Clitoris, the Holy Grail of Orgasm?
The clitoris is much larger than that little button hidden under its veil. In fact, it is formed by the meeting of 2 erectile bodies located mostly on both sides of the entrance of the vagina, under the labia. Thus, penetration stimulates not only the anterior wall of the vagina, but also the clitoris...
Thus, this complex and unique organ seems to be the filter of all sensory stimuli - vaginal, clitoral, vulvar, cutaneous... - which are transmitted to the "conductor", which is none other than the brain.
However, Sandrine Atallah refers that "it is only when the conscious and unconscious parts of the brain are in harmony, that the "order" is sent to the vagina to produce an orgasm by contraction... From this we deduce that any woman, throughout her course, can access different varieties and different experiences of orgasm, according to the relationship with her own body, the image that her partner gives her back, the place of sexuality in her life, her capacity to "inhabit" her vagina and to "communicate" with the latter".
"With the right interlocutor, being 25 or 75 years old doesn't change anything, and the maturity so often invoked doesn't come into play either...", Atallah explains.
For women, unlike men, having sex and experiencing pleasure does not necessarily imply enjoying every moment, because not always all the favorable conditions are present to "let yourself go" by ecstasy, but this, fortunately, does not prevent you from enjoying a pleasant moment to share, relax and enjoy.
We must not forget that pleasure, a psychophysiological phenomenon, is a learning process and is not innate. And in case of total anorgasmia, a work of self-discovery must be done, alone, in a couple or in therapy.
Anyway, the orgasm belongs to those who work for it, and it's okay if you don't reach it, the point is to enjoy and have pleasure sessions that comfort you and fill you with invigorating energy. Let's get to work.
Pamela Cruz. Editor-in-Chief of Peninsula 360 Press. A communicologist by profession, but a journalist and writer by conviction, with more than 10 years of media experience. Specialized in medical and scientific journalism at Harvard and winner of the International Visitors Leadership Program scholarship from the U.S. government.
Twittter: @Pamesmiamiga
You may be interested in: Sexual relations during menstrual period? Why say yes!
