Pamela Cruz. Peninsula 360 Press [P360].
In the U.S., one in four women and one in 10 men suffer domestic violence, a problem that COVID-19 aggravated and brought to light; however, combating this other pandemic requires a perspective that, of course, helps and supports the victim, but also helps heal the abuser.
According to Dr. Aleese Moore-Orbih, incoming director of the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence, combating domestic violence requires a healing approach that doesn't always remove the abuser from the home or criminalize him.
In an interview with Ethnic Media ServicesThe expert said that throughout her career she has not encountered women victims of abuse, who did not think about helping their partners, who exercised violence on them.
"I have never met a woman who didn't want to help her abusive partner. Leaving an abusive relationship is an old paradigm. Women of color want to stay with their partners and they want agencies to help the abusive partner get out of their cycle of violence," said Moore-Orbih.
During a subsequent briefing by the same organization, the United Church of Christ pastor noted that domestic violence is seen as a result of personal experience, but in reality it is a social and cultural problem.
"It speaks to the health of our society, the brokenness of our society. The trauma you experience in domestic violence, sexual assault, trafficking, child abuse, any of those have a lifelong impact," she added.
Moore-Orbih explained that post-traumatic stress disorder is transferred from generation to generation, a situation that does not allow victims, "to live to the fullest extent of their capacities as human beings".
"Women, girls and those who identify with feminine energy are always the most vulnerable, but if we're talking about healthy masculinity, how about healthy femininity? We all need to be healthy individuals," she said.
Changing the paradigm
In order to finally see a change in violent relationships in the home, it is necessary "to stop worshipping control and power as a glorified way of being, when we stop encouraging our children to seek power and control," she said.
The road to restorative justice
Tina Rodriguez, manager of Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice in California, knows all about domestic violence. She was just a child when she experienced her father's abuse firsthand.
The attacks, which included sexual abuse, left after-effects, and throughout her adolescence caused severe eating disorders and trauma that after years of therapy she was able to overcome.
However, Rodriguez achieved what few others do, as in her recovery she was able to forgive the man who destroyed her childhood.
"There is a gap in cultural responsibility both for those who have been affected by anger issues or violent impulses and the inability to control them, and for those who have been victims of domestic violence," she said.
In that sense, Tina said that education is key to prevention and intervention of criminal systems, which, she said, "have helped to create pain".
"We need to take cultural responsibility for educating our youth about domestic violence and prevention," she added.
After paying his sentence for the harm done to his family, Rodriguez's father participated in a restorative justice.
That process, described by Tina herself as "brutal," allowed her and her father to heal, and ultimately inspired her to start a domestic violence prevention program at Valley State Prison.
"Society has gender assignments and assumes that men are expected to be the breadwinners. No one talks about the kind of pressure for a man of color who, whether he's college educated and highly qualified, is excluded from about five interviews because of the color of his skin...the anger comes from the trauma of being oppressed and excluded from opportunities," she stressed.
In the case of men in the Latino community, the pressure on them to be the providers for their families is great, to such a degree that it can lead to violent impulses due to fear of failure.
Violence and racism
Talking about domestic violence is impossible without considering oppression, racism, white supremacy, and generational trauma, according to Jerry Tello, Founder and Director of Training and Capacity Building for Compadres Network.
The activist could not mourn the death of his father, which he suffered when he was very young, because of the machismo that is exercised on Latino communities.
"I kept the pain inside me. I learned that to survive I couldn't feel. Feeling would make me vulnerable," she said.
Tello became a psychologist, and with another colleague founded the Compadres Network to develop healing circles and a curriculum for rites of passage for orphaned youth, teen parents, and to unite families.
"We made the decision that the first step of healing is to heal ourselves, we have to reclaim the sacredness of ourselves as men. We have the medicine within us and within our neighborhoods," he said.
Domestic Violence Scourges Immigrants
It is true that domestic violence does not distinguish between race, gender, age, sex and economic status, however, for immigrants the situation is not the same, since, in many cases, access to help is not easy, said Monica Khant, executive director of the Asia-Pacific Institute of Gender Violence.
"It's hard to take the time to run to the bathroom to make a secret phone call ... even accessing information on computers has been difficult when many immigrant families don't have the same technological access we need to survive the pandemic," he added.
She noted that the way the criminal justice system works in domestic violence cases, especially for ethnic and immigrant communities, begins with a 911 call.
After that, she said, a complaint is filed with the police and a court intervenes, issuing a restraining order or anger management treatment, measures that, while they drive the abuser away, do not resolve the causes of the violence.
And, he said, the solution that is often offered against this type of problem is to separate the aggressor from the family, not a way to heal the situation.
Thus, the immigrant and undocumented community suffers twice as much from domestic violence, as they face language barriers, technological barriers, fears of possible deportation, and now financial dependence on their abusers due to the COVID-19 pandemic, which has increased the loss of jobs because they cannot receive unemployment benefits, so it is necessary to change the perspective and help to this sector in the face of a problem that has become another major pandemic in the United States.
